The success of an organisation is linked to the assertiveness of its employees. Assertiveness is the key to clear interpersonal communication.
Responsible assertive behaviour requires not only respect for one’s own needs and rights but also genuine concern for those of others. Assertive behaviour focuses not on winning but on negotiating reasonable mutual changes in behaviour, you can develop rewarding interpersonal relationships and make significant organisational contributions.
The alternatives to assertive behaviour are aggressive or passive behaviour, both of which are counterproductive. With aggressive behaviour, individuals promote their rights at the expense of others. In aggressive encounters, participants are frequently forced to be belligerent because if one party is to win, the other must lose. Aggressive people often appear to want to dominate or humiliate others, rather than to express honestly their ideas and feelings. Aggressive individuals are unable to establish mature, well-balanced relationships. Others often feel justified in retaliating with anger or vengeance when opportunities arise. Aggressive behaviour results at best in insincere, potentially explosive interpersonal relationships.
Passive individuals, on the other hand, surrender their rights by deferring to others. While passive behaviour may avert interpersonal conflicts, passive individuals generally feel exploited, angry, or resentful. Because they allow their rights to be usurped, passive people lose the respect of others, as well as their own self-respect. It is difficult to know where passive people stand because they say little, especially in unpleasant situations. But their suppressed resentment frequently surfaces in subtle ways that impair the development of satisfactory relationships. Since passive people are often ignored, they rarely attain their goals or make worthwhile organisational contributions.
Although assertive behaviour is obviously far superior to aggressive or passive behaviour, many people do not act assertively because the barriers to effective assertive behaviour are numerous and subtle.
Common barriers to assertiveness fall into three broad categories:
- Those resulting from a negative self-image
- Those involving fear of conflict situations.
- Those related to poor communication skills.
SELF-IMAGE
People with negative self-image frequently fail to act assertively because they feel unworthy, inadequate, anxious, or guilty.
You can combat feelings of unworthiness, inadequacy, worry, and guilt, and increase your ability to at assertively by practicing the following assertiveness principles:
- You have the right to be treated with respect and to value yourself as well as others.
- As a fully-fledged member of the human community, your thoughts and feelings are as important as those of anyone else.
- You have the right to promote your dignity and self-respect as long as the rights of others are violated in the process.
- Personal relations are damaged when you allow yourself to be controlled by guilt, worry, or intimidation.
- When you do what you think is right for you, you feel good about yourself and, therefore, are able to establish satisfying relationships with others.
- You have the right to make your thoughts and feelings known to others.
- No one can make you feel inferior. Others can only offer the opportunity to feel inferior – you can accept or decline the offer.
FEAR OF CONFLICT
Self-defense is an instinct when your rights are being violated. However, when you legitimately assert yourself and object to the abuse of your rights, employers often try to protect their advantage and frequently retaliate, causing conflict. Rather than risk rejection, displeasing others, confrontation, or discomfort, you relinquish your rights.
You can reduce your fear of conflict situations and greatly improve your ability to act assertively through the following assertiveness principles:
- You have the right to defend your rights.
- When you frequently subordinate or relinquish your rights, you teach others to take advantage of you.
- When you stand up to your rights and express your honest thoughts and feelings directly and appropriately, everyone benefits in the long run.
- You have the right to express your feelings about how other’s behaviour affects you.
- By telling others how their behaviour is perceived, you show respect for the rights of others and give them the opportunity to change their behaviour.
- When you feel downtrodden, put-upon, mistreated, or indignant, you have the right to attempt to rectify the situation and seek to personal satisfaction.
- By ensuring that others acknowledge your needs, you feel good about yourself and gain self-respect as well as the respect of others.
- You have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.
COMMUNICATION
Poor communication skills – verbal, interpersonal and listening skills – can critically impede your ability to act assertively. Poor verbal skills are obvious barriers to assertive behaviour. If you cannot express your needs effectively, your chances of achieving satisfaction are nil. Many people express their needs so imprecisely that others must guess what they want. Some people find it extremely difficult to ask for what they want, to demand what they pay for, or even to seek information or help from professionals.
Others may possess well-developed verbal skills but lack interpersonal communication skills. Poor interpersonal communication skills create defensive communication climates. Many individuals do not listen effectively. For example, several common errors in listening to criticism are: * reading more into the criticism than the critic intends; * arguing about the other person’s feelings about the situation, rather than concentrating on the facts; * not separating legitimate criticism. If individuals are to evaluate the validity of criticism and to negotiate assertively about actions needed to resolve conflicts, they must be able to listen effectively.
You can improve communication skills needed for productive assertive behaviour by adhering to the following communication guidelines:
- Demonstrate respect for the speaker and his viewpoint.
- Concentrate on the speaker’s message, not on his delivery or personality. Attempt to learn what the speaker knows about the subject under discussion.
- Don’t listen for isolated facts. Instead, attempt to determine the speaker’s main concept.
- Avoid premature evaluation of the speaker’s remarks. Don’t prematurely overreact to what the speaker is saying or to emotionally charge words until you are certain you fully comprehend the speaker’s message.
- Demonstrate interest in what the speaker is saying. Focus your attention on the speaker by minimising distractions and interruptions.
- Don’t be too relaxed or passive. You must actively participate in the communication process and work hard at concentrating to absorb the speaker’s full meaning.
- Seek clarification if the speaker’s meaning is not clear. Summarise key points for verification or ask: “Is this what you mean?
- Always phrase interpretation of the speaker’s comments tentatively so that he doesn’t feel pressurised to agree with your interpretation.
- Use suitable body language to encourage the speaker – maintain eye contact, nod occasionally in agreement, smile and demonstrate interest.